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Joke of the Day

"So how do I take the gum out of my hair? Cancer."

"I accused the construction man for damaging my sidewalk. ""You are going to need concrete evidence if you want to prove me guilty"""

"I asked a friend of mine from New Zealand how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but he fell asleep."

"A peeping tom fell out if a tree, where did he end up? In the ICU"

"6: Dad, why do you have so many nicknames for me? *I break down, no longer able to cover up that I can't remember my son's name"

"Downhill is probably the only way I can honestly say I've rolled."

"Spinach is like butt sex... If you are forced to have it as a child, you aren't going to enjoy it as an adult."

"[stuck on an island] message in bottle: if anyone gets this, please save us bottle returns: if this gets 10k RTs on Twitter we'll send help"

"Breaking news: A man has drowned in a bowl of Cheerios. Ironically his family didn't get a chance to say goodbye."

"Do you have FB? No Do you have Twitter? No Instagram? No What do you have? A life. ... ... Can I have it? No. I need it to play Candy Crush."