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Joke of the Day

"Spinach is like butt sex... If you are forced to have it as a child, you aren't going to enjoy it as an adult."

"What is the best part about duct tape? It can turn ""no, no, no!"" Into ""mmm, mmm, mmm"""

"My friends started to call me Carlos... because I lost my car."

"Anyone who has to spend more than 2 mins at an ATM is obvilously sending a text to Optimus Prime"

"Don't you hate it when your girlfriend yells out a different name during sex Like bitch, my name isn't ""someone help"""

"Love is one long sweet dream... and marriage is the alarm clock."

"A jewish boy goes up to his father and says ""Abba, I need 40 dollars."" The father looks surprised and says "" THIRTY DOLLARS? What do you need Twenty dollars for?"""

"Donald Trump says he went to the University of Pennsylvania, but I could have sworn he went to Syracuse. Because he sure is an Orange Man."

"I think RoastMe should be renamed... to DaisExMachina."

"OPRAH AND AIRPORT SECURITY Q: Did you hear why Rosie O'Donnell got arrested? A: Airport security lifted up her dress and found 200 pounds of crack."