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Joke of the Day

"Pretty soon Starbucks will stop being coy and offer to just shove a pumpkin & a fistful of nutmeg in your ass for $20."

"I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, ""Got any shoes you're not using?"

"Does your face hurt? Well it's killing me."

"He told me I was too pretty not to smile. So I flipped him off, tackled him and shoved my middle finger up his nose. Now I'm smiling."

"Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I'll take lookout."

"Never laugh at a toddlers joke unless you want to hear it repeated 425 more times."

"What did the skeptical turd say to the conspiracy theorist asshole? You're shitting me, right?"

"Why can't ghosts have sex? Because they have Halloweenies"

"Q: Why was the willow weeping? A: He was unpoplar."

"I'm sick of closing out every job interview with ""I was young. I needed the money."""