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Joke of the Day

"I follow back all spambots. I even star some of their tweets, because I'm looking for a spot in middle management when the robots take over."

"Who would win a battle between an orangutan and a hyena? I don't know, but we'll find out November 8, 2016."

"My uncle died after falling out of a helicopter.. ..so at his funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a parachute. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

"I'll get you wetter than a Scottish summer."

"I'm a simple mathematician... I see 281x285, I like."

"We should stop making jokes out of Harambe Those jokes are dead anyways"

"What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head? I blame my shelf"

"""If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun"" ~My son apparently"

"What do David Carradine and the Mets have in common? They both choke when it really matters."

"An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk in to a bar.. Barman says ""What is this, some kind of joke?"""