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Joke of the Day

"I follow back all spambots. I even star some of their tweets, because I'm looking for a spot in middle management when the robots take over."

"What part of a hospital does an abortion patient avoid? The right wing"

"I never knew much about people Until I took one apart, just to see how it works."

"Why was Hitler late for work? He tried driving a new route to work, but instead of taking the second left, he took the third reich."

"Where do OB/GYNs go to school? Gynecolleges."

"What's the difference between a prostitute in the bath tub and a nun? The nun has hope in her soul."

"If a magnifying glass ever got into a fight.... ...It would be easily intimidated."

"A driver gets pulled over for improper use of a carpool lane.. Cop: ""Carpool lane is 2 or more passengers and I don't see your second passenger."" Driver: ""well I'm just beside myself."""

"SON: can I yell bomb at the airport DAD: no SON: I can yell boom DAD: boom's ok SON: how about ""my mom's a lesbian now"" DAD: please don't"

"What do you call an old man's hard on? Petrified wood."