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Joke of the Day

"If you love something, set it free... Except if 'It' is a man. Because he'll get lost, and won't ask for directions."

"If you think the way to a mans heart is through his stomach.... Then you're aiming too high"

"What's a 6.9? A good time ruined by a period."

"Brother: Which is farther away- NY City or the moon? Sister: NY City. Why do ask? Brother: Well I can see the moon but I can't see NY City."

"I had a dark bump on my arm checked out at my ontologist... I tried to get a diagnosis but instead he went on about reality and existence."

"Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting."

"Can someone please invent pantyhose that don't rip? I think everyone in this bank just saw my face."

"What's the best thing about having sex with twenty-two year olds? There are twenty of them."

"How do you make an elephant float? Take one elephant, two tons of ice cream, and one ton of soda. Blend."

"[interview] So what makes you qualified to be an x-ray technician? Superman: Are you being serious right now?"