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Joke of the Day

"A friend said he couldn't come to my party because he has diarrhea. I don't believe him, I think he's full of shit."

"Purchased an hourglass for my desk at work to flip when people stop by to make them uncomfortable."

"TIFU by being Cuban and attending Fidel Castro's funeral. Now the FBI lists me as ""public enemy number Juan""."

"If I ran the world, I would enforce a police state where everyone would have to weigh-in before being allowed to order food."

"Wanna hear a joke? A joke"

"What is the most inappropriate thing to say to someone who just lost their job? You had one job."

"[making small talk at a party] Hair products are so expensive these days. Do you think that's why poor people look like shit?"""

"Why can't dormant volcanoes erupt? They have eruptile dysfunction"

"Age 20: ""You free for lunch?"" ""Yeah, meet you there now."" Age 30: ""You free for lunch?"" ""Yes, let's schedule it in for 3 weeks from now."""

"who said math is the universal language? hey, numbers-- speak english!"