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Joke of the Day

"People are always telling me I look like Hagrid from Harry Potter. I've never seen the movies, but she must be a beautiful gal."

"What do vegetables watch when they're feeling frisky? Cornography"

"This bread is my meat, this wine is my blood... ... and this beer and milk are... -Master, that's enough, I ran out of ink!"

"I don't take my wallet to work because I'm afraid someone will steal it while I'm sleeping."

"ME: *robbing bank* More like, I'm BANKing on you not tripping the alarm! Haha! TELLER: Haha! COPS: *tackling me from behind* Haha!"

"Mr.Bond caught pants down ""Ah, Mr Bond, I-"" *closes laptop lid and pulls up trousers* ""-wasn't expecting you."""

"Why would Batman always beat Superman? because, being rich, Bruce Wayne can ride a horse properly."

"I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him GOD, I hope he calls me."

"Whiteboard and Eraser Why was the whiteboard angry with the Eraser? The Eraser had rubbed the Whiteboard the wrong way."

"Patient And Doctor Joke Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."