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Joke of the Day

"Just changed my dating profile headline to: ""Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives"" ...crossing my fingers"

"wassup babe, im the reason Pregnancy-info .net disabled video embedding on their forums, how abuot giving me a nice kiss"

"A cop pulled me over because he thought I was talking on a cell phone but really I was just rubbing a slice of pizza on the side of my face"

"What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts? Shark absorbers!"

"What's brown, sticky and runs down your leg? Chocolate Ice Cream in July!"

"[At Adele Concert] Adele: Hello from the other siiiiiide Me (shouting): Tell us your surname"

"Why is everyone complaining about Mayweather? We're only 4 days in and I think it's been just fine"

"Whats the difference between a terrorist camp and a high school? I don't know, I just fly drones."

"I really gotta quit drinking. Last night I got so wasted I blew chunks for hours... Chunks is my 4 year old bulldog."

"When a girl tells u about her favorite animal - ""I'd eat one"" is not the right response."