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Joke of the Day

"No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one."

"Man: Who are you? God: Your god. Man: What's your name? God: I can't tell you. Man: No way! God: Jahweh! Man: God: Doh!"

"Why can't Indians drive cars? It's impossible to reach the pedals whilst sitting Indian style"

"How do you make one girl disappear? ..just add a G and now she's gone."

"A bug zapper, but for people trying to come into my office."

"Q: Why are men like laxatives? A: They irritate the shit out of you."

"""THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!"" 2012: omg please no 2016: are we doing this or not"

"When my new neighbor dies, I'm going to hire the same tree removal service he has outside my window right now to work during his burial."

"What's harder the softer it gets? Typing withw my peniuasd 9damnit!)"

"Why did the knight stop fighting after all his limbs had been chopped of? He'd been unarmed and defeated"