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Joke of the Day

"""THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!"" 2012: omg please no 2016: are we doing this or not"

"Just finished a puzzle in only two weeks! I'm pretty proud of myself, because the box said 3-5 years."

"What do you call a number that can't keep still? A roamin numeral."

"I respect strippers because its really hard to dance by yourself and not look stupid."

"Are u alright? No I'm half left"

"Why was the juice company losing customers? There was no punch-line."

"My kids are in Karate class and I'm just sitting here thinking that I could kick the shit out of half these 6 year olds."

"Housekeeper: Professor there's a bill collector at the door. I told him you were out. But he wouldn't believe me. Professor: No? Then I suppose I'll have to go and tell him myself."

"What do you call an insane nocturnal blood-sucking parasite? A lunartick."

"Your Mom is so fat... That when she sat on a Iphone it turned into a Ipad."