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Joke of the Day

"My son keeps talking to me in binary even though I ask him not to. What kind of boy is he? A noughty one."

"How are marriage and commiting suicide the same? You are really good at it if you have only had to do it once. Edit: Joke idea taken from a /r/showerthoughts post."

"US Loretta Lynch confirms that all 7 FIFA officials dramatically threw themselves onto the ground faking injury when arrested earlier today."

"M.Night Shamaylan Joke When you go to a regular movie, a friend asks you ""so how good was the movie?"" When you go to an M.night Shamylan movie a friend asks "" So how bad was the plot twist?"""

"A guy walks into a bar and asks the guy across from him why his hands were all over his face: The guy across replies: ""Because I am a clock you drunk fuck."""

"I went to the library and asked for a book about small peni$es. The librarian said, ""I'm not sure if it's in yet."" ""Yep, that's the one"", I said."

"What was the pig when he got laryngitis...? He was dis-gruntled!"

"Made the mistake of dropping my pants when my dentist put on latex gloves."

"*describes my ideal woman to police sketch artist* ""And I need you guys to find her by 9 tonight cuz this buffet coupon is about to expire."""

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Probably one, but I can easily pay two to get the job done together at the same price I'd pay any other repair man."