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Joke of the Day

"I should put my GPA up for adoption. There's no way I can raise it by myself."

"The Wright Way ""I think it is wrong that one company makes Monopoly."" -Steven Wright"

"Women think they are smart for faking orgasm Men fake whole relationships just to get sex."

"I'm planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I've never gotten stuck in a traffic jelly!"

"Almost 65% of statistics are made up. The other half are lies."

"As a child, 'The Jetsons' gave me unrealistic expectations for the future: like having a wife who loves me & owning a dog."

"TIFU by sitting next to a really hot Thai chick on the bus home today and kept thinking, ""Don't get an erection, don't don't don't..."" But she did."

"If someone broke up with me (doubtful) I would say 'Ok weird eyes' Even if their eyes weren't weird id say it. Because they'd always wonder"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Arfur ! Arfur who ? Arfur got !"