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Joke of the Day

"I've wanted to post this forever. This."

"How did the blonde break her leg from raking the leaves? She fell out of the tree."

"Why do programmers like to concatenate time stamps? It's the only way they can get a string of dates."

"The worst part about crapping my pants at work was having to set the ACCIDENT FREE sign back to zero days in front of everybody."

"I'll never forgive the Nazis for how they treated my granddad in that concentration camp during the war. Five years he was there on that machine gun tower, and never got a single promotion..."

"I'm pretty great with money. Folks keep calling me and telling me my accounts are outstanding."

"Do you think bin men get training... ... Or do they just pick it up as they go along?"

"If Ryan Gosling doesn't ask me to be his valentine, I'm moving on. This ship has sailed. This ball has sunk. This fart has flatulated."

"*angrily detangles self from wind chime*"

"What did the ram say as his lover lay on her deathbed? There will never be another ewe."