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Joke of the Day

"Me: You wanna have sex tonight? GF: I'm not in the mood babe. Me: Hold on a second. I'm on the phone."

"What's the difference between a feminist and a vagina? Nothing. They are both cunts!"

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways... Five."

"How does a French person sneeze? Adieu!"

"What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll."

"My friend asked why his computer kept crashing. I told him, 'because they can't drive' . (Girlfriend told me this joke)"

"The only thing better than iPad... ...is an iTampon."

"My teacher accused my of plagiarism on my calculus paper She said my work was very derivative"

"Well well well. If it isn't old Saint Nick trying to slide down this chimney after ignoring my texts for a year."

"I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you"