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Joke of the Day

"A priest asked a convicted murderer at the electric chair: ""Do you have any last requests?"" ""Yes,"" replied the murderer ""will you please hold my hand?"""

"Me (getting choked): who called it getting new tires Guy (who is choking me): how are you breathing Me (dying): and not a retirement plan"

"The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large"

"Lady:(standing in the middle of a busy street) Officer can you tell me how to get to the Hospital? Officer: Just stand where you are!!!"

"Your mommas so fat When she goes to the movies she sits next to everybody."

"What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved."

"What's the do a girlfriend and an ice cream cone have in common? The ones that are hot don't last as long"

"Why does the Avon lady walk funny? Because her lips stick"

"[Phone with Mom] ""Did you just friend request me?"" I'm on fb now ""I'm not adding you"" Fine do your own laundry then *accepts friend request*"

"What kind of nuts go on your feet? *Sigh*... Cashews."