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Joke of the Day

"Trump/Pence 2016! Or ""TP"" as I like to call it. ;)"

"*gets down on 1 knee* OMG *puts 2nd knee down* WHAT? *lays on floor* JIM? *snake noises* WHAT ARE YOU DOING? *slithers out of relationship*"

"Posting pumpkin carving pictures on social media is so last year."

"If there's another explanation for my gray hairs other than I'm turning into a polar bear, I don't want to hear it. Don't ruin this for me."

"My then 7 yo son came up with this one. Warning: NSFL (I think. This is /r/Jokes, so...) Knock knock *Who's there?* Ala *Ala who?* Ala oo akbar!!! Bkhkhkhhhhhhhh!!! (explosion sound) :P"

"How do you put 4 elephants in a small car ? 2 in the front seats and 2 in the back seats"

"I'll pay full price for the next iPhone if the only change they make to it is erasing ""ducking"" from the autocorrect."

"If we all just agree that we're fine, we'll never again have to ask each other how we are."

"Four out of five people enjoy gang rape you sick bastard"

"What do you call a nautical plunderer who assists with the flight of an aircraft? A co-pirate"