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Joke of the Day

"An Englishman walks into a bar... There's usually a Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman too, but they're still at the Rugby World Cup."

"The Discovery Channel is filming a new series about my ex-wife. It is called Deadliest Snatch"

"I got my born-again mother an FML shirt for Christmas. Telling her it means Father, My Lord."

"Canadian whiskey is just whiskey that apologizes for your hangover in the morning"

"I think having an abortion really brings out the kid in me"

"My wife says she hates domestic abuse So I now do my crunches outside the house"

"I went to the doctor's office for an Alzheimer's test... I can't remember the results."

"Always borrow money from a Pessimist. He won't expect it back."

"""That Will Smith is a nice young man, I hope he wins Celebrity Apprentice."" No Grandma, that's Ben Carson and this is the Republican Debate"

"I spent last night defrosting the fridge. Or ""foreplay"" as she likes to call it."