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Joke of the Day
"Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh"
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"I almost had a threesome once. I only needed two more people."
"I bought a race horse and decided to call it ""MY FACE"". Just imagine it running down the home straight with all the women shouting ""COME ON MY FACE""!!"
"If I had 25 cents for every time I failed my math test I'd have $5.13"
"[first date] ""What's wrong?"" I don't like the ambulance in this place [sniggering] ""You mean ambience"" [next table] NEE NAW NEE NAW WOOOOOO"
"What's the Russian President's favorite song? ""Putin on the Ritz!"" I'll be here all week guys."
"What do you call a weak cup of tea? Subtlety."
"Today is your reminder that April Fool's is exactly 9 months away. Time to start preparing your pranks and jokes. Especially if that joke is a child."
"Literal People Anonymous Welcome to Literal People Anonymous, would everyone please take a seat. NO, WAIT! BRING THOSE CHAIRS BACK!"
"I have a time machine for sale. If interested, call me two weeks ago."