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Joke of the Day

"Pregnant by Jesus How come my wife never gets pregnant when Jesus screws her? Because she tells Him to come into her heart."

"Knock knock Who's there? The pastor The pastor who? Open the fucking door goddamit, there's a crazy white man with a gun, let me out!"

"It was the Fourth of July The department I work in has a lot of people frm Turkey. My job is to fire people. I had to fire Turks."

"You know your vacation sucks when you're constantly writing updates about it on Facebook."

"Can someone help me, I can't remember,,, Did Sarah Jessica Parker get an Oscar for Sea Biscuit?"

"Did you hear about the guy who fell into a truck full of French bread? He's in a lot of pain now."

"In the divorce court today an 85-year old farmer divorced his 17-year old wife, claiming he could not keep his hands off her. He has since fired all of his hands and bought a combine harvester."

"Can I buy you a drink? ""I don't drink."" *panics* Oh. Um...well, here's $12."

"I lost my Nana today must have fallen out of my lunchbox"

"Rick Astley will let you borrow almost any movie from his Pixar collection. But he's never gonna give you Up"