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Joke of the Day
"What's red and goes up and down? A tomato in an elevator."
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"""You want to have your cake and eat it, too."" ""Yeah. It's MY cake."""
"I feel bad for the homeless guy ""I feel bad for the homeless guy, but I feel really bad the homeless guy's dog, because he must be thinking 'Man, this is the longest walk ever"" -Norm Macdonald"
"If I had a dime for every time a homeless person asked for money, I'd still say no. - Bo Burnham."
"I lost my job. I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me Why? What did he say? ""you're fired"""
"My wife said that I set up the baby monitor wrong. Apparently it's not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby's ankle."
"Sorry I'm late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic."
"""I thought I was happy, but then you revved your engine so loudly and I realised YOU are what's been missing from my life"" - No girl, ever."
"How do you tell if a woman is a feminist? She'll tell you within five minutes."
"So a cannibal walks into a hospital delivery room And the doctor says, ""can I help you??"" The cannibal says, ""I'll have what she's having."""