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Joke of the Day

"What is better than winning a gold medal at the paralympics? Having two legs"

"What does the bees do with their honey? They eat it, If they eat too much, they will get Diabeetis."

"*First Date Her: Why are we at Home Depot? Me: I wanted to see what it's like to pick out bathroom tile with you. See if this is worth it."

"Why did Star Wars come out 4,5,6,1,2,3? Because in charge of sequence, yoda was."

"TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday... and my mom gives awful birthday gifts."

"Q: When the boy broke his knee, where did he go to get a new one? A: At the butcher shop, where they sell kid-knees."

"I'm always frank with my sexual partners. Don't want them knowing my real name."

"What did Patrick Stewart say when he was given a tortoise for his birthday? Please, take it back. I don't like getting attached to animals. Especially when they only live 100 years."

"I'm selling my talking parrot. Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me."

"A sergeant and two men from his unit walk into a bar 'Would you like to play pool?' The sergeant asked the attractive barmaid. 'No thanks darling' she replies. 'I'd rather play with your privates.'"