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Joke of the Day

"You know you're getting old when ... the doctor tells you to slow down and the cops tell you to speed up."

"Why is Italy shaped like a boot? Well, can't fit that much shit in a sneaker!"

"How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family"

"What do compassion and sex have in common? Without passion it's only cum!"

"Guys, stop comparing Trump to Hitler. He thinks it's a compliment. Call him a middle-aged woman or a peaceful Muslim."

"So I had this idea to make money by selling bottled bottles ...It made no cents"

"If only Steve Irwin wore sun screen. He could have been protected from harmful rays."

"Why didn't Hitler participate in the marathon? ... Because he can't finish a race."

"Best way to get picked up at a gym is fall off a machine."

"What was the first thing Abraham Lincoln told his friends when they asked him how he got an STD? Four whore and seven beers ago...."