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Joke of the Day

"Godzilla, Mothra, and Battra all walk into a bar... The building owner must now pay $100,000 due to property damage."

"""If you break up with me, I will beach myself."" -dramatic whale"

"Ha Long is many Dongs"

"She died doing what she loved: driving while taking a photo of a license plate that had 69 in it"

"When my wife forgets to fill up the fishtank I lower the ceiling a few inches every day until she remembers."

"FRIEND: Make sure you walk her to her car [hours later after date] HER: It's been 18 miles ME: I insist HER: But you drove both of us"

"""How does Dracula get his hair so perfect without a mirror? Oh questions about the job? No I'm good."""

"Boss: What's for lunch? Me: Food. B: What kind of food? M: The kind you eat. B: ... M: ... B: ... Me: You hired me. This is your fault."

"What burns longer, a red or a green candle? Neither, they both burn shorter."

"Need a punchline. And.... Go! http://i.imgur.com/t57uK.jpg"