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Joke of the Day

"""If you break up with me, I will beach myself."" -dramatic whale"

"Have you heard my construction joke? I'm working on it."

"We had a pop quiz in culinary school today. It was a piece of cake."

"My retirement plan is to die young and broke."

"I wonder if giraffes can eat so much their stomach explodes bc they just don't know it right away cuz it's in their neck for so long. What."

"Knock knock Who's there? Dewt dew de dew dew Dewt dew do dew dew who? Menah Menah"

"I had a funny dream last night Mom. Did you? I dreamed I was awake but when I woke up I found I was asleep."

"Plateaus... ...are the highest form of flattery."

"What do ISIS/ISIL members use to clean their dirty vaginas? ...me!"

"I used to be a huge fan of Jesus Christ... but then he got double crossed."