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Joke of the Day

"Anyone looking for a job should consider becoming an elephant circumsiser... ... the pay isn't too great, but the tips are enormous!"

"[Darth Vader storming through the Death Star turning off lights, mumbling about we ain't lighting the universe]"

"i did a lot of experimenting in my teen years. i knew that's what i'd have to do to become the caliber of scientist i am today"

"All the people upset over same sex marriage didn't seem to mind when Paula Abdul was openly dating a cartoon cat in the late 80s."

"That will be $6.34, and would you like to donate a dollar to the children's hospital or do you prefer being judged by a Taco Bell employee?"

"(Waiter) ""What can I get you sir?"" (Gastronomist) ""Something with a simpler plot."""

"I hate my job. The work sucks. The people suck. The pay sucks. *looks up and sees motivational poster on wall* Well this changes everything"

"No one ever mentions the 1000 miles of trouble free luxury cruising before the iceberg....."

"I hate when I wake up in the morning hungover with penises drawn on my face, Especially since I was drinking alone last night"

"Why arent the americans playing chess? ...they are missing two towers."