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Joke of the Day

"I hate my job. The work sucks. The people suck. The pay sucks. *looks up and sees motivational poster on wall* Well this changes everything"

"The trick to a good AVI is finding your best characteristic and flaunting it. I obviously am a fan of my nostrils."

"Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone."

"What would Dorothy have said if she practiced Yoga instead of new age magical thinking? There's no place like OM."

"Why do elephants have flat feet? from jumpin' outta palm trees, duh"

"You're American when you go in to the bathroom, and American when you come out, but what are you while you're in the bathroom? European (you're-a-peein')"

"Back in my day we had another word for selfie sticks, we called them friends."

"Why do Indians get cremated at very religious places? Because they all have a ""Vera Nice Sea"". (Say it out loud)"

"My girlfriend told me to humble down shes just jealous of the fact that I'm the most humble man on earth"

"what's the square root of 69? ate something."