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Joke of the Day

"gotta love cousins... what do you call a hispanic man who's car got jacked? Carlos. what do you call the italian man who stole it? Carmine."

"They say it's not the destination, it's the journey.........Except when you're heading to the bathroom with diarrhea..."

"My grandmother told me the secret to staying thin is.......if it tastes good spit it out."

"Wanna freak people out? Lick your fingertips when you finish pumping gas."

"I'm probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club."

"The band Europe is rereleasing their greatest hits on records. It's the vinyl countdown."

"I don't know if this is a good idea. Narrator: He knew, in fact, it was an awful idea."

"An introvert looks down at his own shoes. An extrovert looks at other people's shoes."

"What do you call it when a blacksmith makes something white? Irony."

"*getting caught filling up neighbor's trash can* Omg Karen, I just looove your trash can! Where did you get it?"