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Joke of the Day

"The band Europe is rereleasing their greatest hits on records. It's the vinyl countdown."

"[solicitor reading my will] ""He [takes off glasses & pinches bridge of nose], He wants to donate his arm to the drummer from Def Leppard""."

"Good friends are like bottles of sweet wine .. that's why I keep mine locked in the cellar."

"I Was Going To Write A Theater Piece On Puns.... ...but then I realized it would just be a play on words."

"A cave man walks into a bar... ""Hey, Joe, has any one invented booze yet?"""

"Kim Jong Un called me an asshole. I retorted back that he doesn't have an asshole, which is why he is so full of shit."

"This is an ugly term. This ""Stalker"". I prefer unpaid investigator."

"Do you know about the unpredictable weather in Syria? Sometimes it's Sunni, other times it's Shiite."

"My dad's favorite composer is Beethoven's little brother... Covetoven. Get it? DO YOU?"

"Women would save a lot of money on beauty products if they ever realized they have a vagina."