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Joke of the Day

"I know a woman who owns a taser... Let me tell you, she's stunning!"

"STAGES OF WORKING FROM HOME - Yay I get to work from home - It would be nice to talk to people - I hope that pigeon sits in the window today"

"Today I was woken up by a blowjob. I hope I'll never fall asleep in the train with my mouth open again."

"Why isn't there golf in the Paralympics? Because it would be really awkward asking what their handicap was."

"What's the difference between humans and bullets? Humans miss Harambe."

"Did you hear about the priest who got caught kissing a nun? He was let off with a warning not to get into the habit."

"They say the human imagination is infinite. Try to imagine a new color."

"This guy's shirt said 'blink if you want me' and now my eyes are watering and I need to close them but ohmygod you guys I DO NOT WANT HIM"

"I like my jokes like I like my pizza Cheesy "

"NOBODY MOVE THIS IS A ROBBERY! *other robber looks over at me* dude no you can move. We talked about this. Get the money"