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Joke of the Day

"Today I was woken up by a blowjob. I hope I'll never fall asleep in the train with my mouth open again."

"Why was the lightning bug unhappy? Because her children were not very bright."

"These quad copters just can't seem to leave the news... The media and hobbyists just keep droning on and on about them"

"""You're not leaving the table until you finish it, young man!"" --termite mom"

"*stops walking* Wait, I think there's a stone in my shoe *takes off shoe, shakes it upside down* *Mick Jagger hits the ground with a thud*"

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C."

"Where do you drown a hipster? The Mainstream."

"I was going down in a girl and said ""you've got a massive vagina vagina"" She said ""you didn't have to say it twice"" I said "" I didn't didn't"""

"Sign in restaurant window: ""Eat now - Pay waiter."""

"Why does it seem like 90% of Redditors are hardcore liberal atheists? Because the conservatives are at work."