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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: Don't embarrass me in front of my boss, he's colorblind ME: Duh [later at party] ME: [to boss] So when did you learn Colorbraille?"

"If there is no emoji to express the emotion, does the emotion really exist?"

"Hey hedgehogs, how about leaving some hedges for the rest of us?"

"Why did the monkey put a bone in his mouth? He wanted to smoke a joint!"

"Why did the cyclops quit teaching? He had only one pupil."

"6 yo: *yells* Mom! I'm on level 18!!!! Me: *peeks in room* PAGE 18, princess. You're reading. 6 yo: Oh"

"Why hasn't Beetle Bailey retired from the Army yet?"

"""Gary give me the gun"" ""I thought you had it"" ""I TOLD you to bring it"" ""I didn't"" ""who brought the getaway car?"" -Disorganized crime"

"Two blondes were walking in a park ...when one of them said: ""Look, a dead bird!"" The other one looked up in the sky and asked ""where?"""

"You think your day was bad? I just had a 15 minute long argument with a couch cushion."