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Joke of the Day

"Dictators dress to oppress."

"I keep nacho cheese handy so in case I start to lose an argument I can pour it on my head and say ""You're arguing with nachos, you idiot""."

"Did you hear about the new Marvel superhero movie about the guy who kills villains with bad jokes? It's called The Pun-isher."

"A Newfie, a Quebecois, and a Native walk into a bar in Calgary. The bartender says ""Get the fuck out!"""

"""In case of emergency break glass"" Who do you think I am? Some sort of karate expert? I can't even open a Cheetos bag."

"My dad smeared glue all over his Uzi, and he say's his Glock is next. He can't be talked out of it. He's sticking to his guns."

"Vending machines are so homophobic. I'm sorry my dollar is not straight enough for you."

"Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because he saw the gas bill"

"Can't wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time."

"A nurse found a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thought... ""Some asshole's got my pen"""