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Joke of the Day

"Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend's experimental theater piece."

"How many communists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? In Soviet Russia, lightbulb screws YOU!"

"When Facebook moms post how they can't believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write ""No way! I thought for sure he'd be held back!"""

"I can smell shit, but I can't find it."

"The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry's in the oven. I'm going to bed."

"*calls Rosetta Stone* Yes hi I was wondering if you had a course on body language *my friend choking on buffalo wings clutches his throat*"

"Don't dress like a hoe and expect a guy to approach you like a princess."

"Did you hear about the Mathematicians Gentleman's Club? They were famous for their signature dance: the Mobius Strip"

"What sexual position makes the ugliest babies? Ask your mom."

"Q: Why did the belt get locked up? A: He held up a pair of pants."