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Joke of the Day

"*calls Rosetta Stone* Yes hi I was wondering if you had a course on body language *my friend choking on buffalo wings clutches his throat*"

"What is hillybillys fantasy?! S&M . . . . .. Sister and Mother."

"me: [first gang practice] is snack time before or after the murders"

"What do you say if you meet a toad ? Wart's new !"

"Editor: You wrote a play about Victorian England using menstrual blood as ink? Me: Yes, it's a period piece."

"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven because they wouldn't let you in because you're terrible?"

"I'm 36 but have the body an 18-year-old The police are pretty upset about it."

"Why do women wear perfume and makeup? Because they stink and they're ugly."

"Fall is fast approaching. Time to sew all my jean legs back on."

"There once was a man named Dave... who found a dead whore in a cave. She was ugly as shit, and missing one tit, but think of the money he'd save."