84159

Joke of the Day

"If there is a zombie apocalypse I hope that they are thriller zombies because they're fabulous dancers"

"When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running."

"That awkward 3 second lap dance you get at the movies when someone walks by you."

"A pedophile, a rapist, and a priest walks into a bar He orders a drink."

"FIFA Ethics Committee"

"I like Donald Trump how I like Destiny Overhyped and without a campaign."

"I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you're talking about BABIES?"

"NaCl / NaOH The base is under assault!"

"Sometimes girls look at me and say, ""Mmm not bad."" They don't say it out loud but I can tell they're thinking that."

"How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick!!"