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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes girls look at me and say, ""Mmm not bad."" They don't say it out loud but I can tell they're thinking that."

"COP: The killer wrote a message on the victim's mirror ME: You can't prove it was me COP: It was written in Dorito dust ME: I want a lawyer"

"How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled or fertilized?"

"What did one sock tell its other half ? Nothing, the fucker had disappeared in the dryer."

"I posed naked for a magazine today Although from the reaction I got, I think the newsstand owner would have preferred money :)"

"How do Chinese people name their kids? They throw silverware down a flight of stairs....ting, tong, ping, ding"

"What do you call a pre-historical human who wanders around too much? A Meanderthal"

"I love playing catch with my dogs when I'm drunk, because I don't have dogs when I'm sober."

"Why do pigs run from medicine? They hate getting cured."

"Wife: ""you think all that sugar you fed the kids this morning was a wise idea?"" Me: ""why?"" W: M: W: ""they're running along side the car"""