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Joke of the Day
"If my husband doesn't like my cooking, he can buy his meth somewhere else."
Next Joke
"Why did the Mexican... ... throw his wife off a cliff? Tequila! ... go to the home improvement store in December? Fajitas!"
"Autocorrect just turned ""stepdaughter"" into ""lying manipulative drug addict that lives in the basement and brings dudes in thru the slider"""
"My girl threw this one at me right before bed: ""Do you know why I don't like going to the dentist?"" Because they always do a full cavity search!"
"Torturer: I will break you Me: Do you wear that hood to hide your sadness? Torturer: *broken* ah hell man I just wanted to be a chef"
"Break bad news to teens by talking on THEIR level. ME [spinning on chair in daughter's room]: Yo, turns out grandma's heart is weak af."
"What should you do when your girlfriend starts smoking?? Slow down and maybe use some lube..."
"When my mate turned 40, I sent him a CD in the mail... When my mate turned 40, I sent him a CD in the mail: UB40 A month later, on my 40th, I received a CD in the mail from him: U2"
"First Michael Jackson, and now Neil Armstrong.... The world is running out of moonwalkers"
"So a baby seal walks into a club Ba-dum-tssss"