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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a person with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Fucked."

"I've heard like seven cancer jokes today... If I hear tumor it's gonna benign."

"I saw a sign that said ""hiring carpenters"" My brother said ""let's be honest, that should say 'hiring Mexicans.'"""

"Dogs are terrible hosts They get angry if you try to use their bathroom."

"[Olive Garden] Me: *walks in* Hostess: *hands me shovel* Bury the bodies in the back. Me: Huh? Hostess: When you're here you're family."

"If John Cena lost in Baltimore at Payback, the city might riot. WWE wouldn't want that. Never give up"

"I started working for a company that made hinges It really opened a lot of doors for me"

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a scottish sheep herder? One says, ""hey, you! Get off my cloud!"", and the other one says, ""hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"""

"I don't mind people sneezing in public. It's that ""Pre-sneeze face"" they make that scares the hell out of me."

"If you love something set it free,unless it's a lion. Don't do that."