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Joke of the Day

"[Olive Garden] Me: *walks in* Hostess: *hands me shovel* Bury the bodies in the back. Me: Huh? Hostess: When you're here you're family."

"Remember when all bombs looked like a black bowling ball with a giant wick in the top? Yep, simpler times."

"In high school, everyone used to call me the class clown it was probably because of the face paint."

"My cousin is a total audiophile... He came as soon as he heard"

"Why LOTR is a metaphor for life. Man puts ring on finger, slowly goes insane!"

"Did you hear about the scarecrow that won the award? He was out standing in his field."

"Saw this movie about Jewish people this afternoon.. It had a hollow cast."

"Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies."

"What's the definition of a will? Come on guys it's a dead giveaway"

"I snore at night, so I bought a bunch of those Breathe Right Strips for my wife to shove in her ears."