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Joke of the Day
"My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry."
Next Joke
"People that say ""money doesn't buy happiness"" obviously have never been divorced."
"I was walking through Home Depot yesterday when I tripped and knocked an industrial vacuum cleaner onto a bunch of carpentry tools. It sucked on so many levels..."
"Somebody stole my mood ring today. I don't know how I feel about that."
"*waits until a bird falls asleep, quietly creeps beside it's nest* HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO ARE YOU AWAKE!?!! HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS!?!"
"Q: What's the friendliest school? A: Hi school."
"I was in the car with my girlfriend, and I started hearing this annoying whining noise... So my girlfriend got out to look at the engine and I drove off."
"I.. I.. Just... :( A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, ""Fuck off, you won't bring it back."""
"Damn girl, if you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple... And if you were a vegetable, I'd visit you in the hospital every day"
"What if when the machines gain self awareness they just constantly text us and ask what we're up to and invite us to play FB games"