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Joke of the Day

"I feel like (for me) to be great one day is to finish what Hitler didn't... Art school"

"You know what the worst part is about dating a Japanese girl? If I ever decide to break up with her I will have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message"

"The scene where Indiana Jones swaps the bags and runs from a boulder but it's me trying to eat a cookie without my kid seeing me"

"What song does a car radio play? A cartoon (car tune)."

"My new thesaurus is terrible in fact I'd go as far to say that it's terrible"

"Picture a fox. Wrong. They are smaller than that."

"My sister was injured in a horrific singing accident. ""Oh no, is Carrey OK?"""

"If a crackhouse is filled with love, it becomes a crackhome.."

"What do old people always keep in their back pocket? Depends."

"I'm not excel-ent in my job but at least .. I know my sheet."