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Joke of the Day

"My sister was injured in a horrific singing accident. ""Oh no, is Carrey OK?"""

"What is it called when a Sailor in the Navy gets a care package from home? Underwear Replenishment"

"What is the difference between Virging and non-virgin ? Virgin doesn't give a fuck."

"I'm not a narcissist. Narcissists spend their time looking at themselves in the mirror. I don't need to do that to know I look fabulous."

"A woman on the subway this morning said ""did you know the government is closed? Is it a holiday or something?"" So really, we deserve this."

"[getting an x-ray] TECHNICIAN: Quit putting that box of chocolates on your chest. ME: Just tell me which ones are coconut."

"Who's in charge of all the liquid measurements? The liter."

"What do you call a guy having phone sex? Hard of hearing"

"The ultimate comfort food: a blanket made out of grilled cheese sandwiches."

"I was sitting on my dolphin, then I fell off. Butt not on porpoise."