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Joke of the Day

"If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with ""and lastly""."

"how can you tell..... how can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat? when she sits on your face you can no longer hear the background music"

"I read the symptoms for being a hypochondriac... AND I HAVE ALMOST ALL OF THEM!!!!!"

"Hark work never killed anybody But why take the risk."

"An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid."

"Apparently the capital of Israel is totally impoverished. It's a real Jerusaslum"

"It's kinda bullshit that carpenter ants can't even build IKEA furniture."

"LIKE IF... You've recorded yourself singing to see if you could actually sing."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Aleta ! Aleta who ? Aleta from the tax man !"

"There was a U2 cover band playing at a bar last night... I hate to say it, but they were even better than the real thing."