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Joke of the Day

"I'm not afraid of the Bermuda triangle or any triangle really. Even played at its most aggressive it's just not a threatening instrument."

"Thanks phone, for being strong every time I dropped you."

"I'm working on a fitness routine for insects. It's going well, but I'm still trying to work out the bugs."

"What do you call a corn farmer who had his genitals removed A eunuch corn"

"What do your internal organs call their dating life? Their homie-hoe-status"

"What do you call a grenade thrown into a restaurant in France? French Toast."

"I just want to hug this out. With my hands around your neck type of hug. What I mean is, I want to strangle you."

"What kind of bread always goes wrong? A rye"

"me: [letting dog lick my face] wife: that's disgusting me: [squirting shampoo into my hand] you're the one who used all the hot water linda"

"A Jewish boy asks his dad for $50 His dad then asks, ""$30? What do you need $20 for?!?"""