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Joke of the Day

"Why do the birthers...? Why do the Birthers care about where Barack Obama was born (Hawaii, not Kenya) and not where Ted Cruz was born (Canada, not Texas)? Because Barack Obama is black."

"Her: I'm running a little late. M: how many more seconds er I mean yeah sure take your time. Me, trying to play it cool with the babysitter"

"How many alzheimers patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!"

"A little boy asked his father... ""Daddy, what's a transvestite?"" ""Go ask your mother. He'll tell you."""

"Did you hear the one about Jerry Sandusky molesting kids? If not, it's okay - neither did the Police."

"A man was stabbed in the stomach in an alley... he was gonna punch him back, but he didn't have the guts."

"Why was the young snowflake so upset? Because he just watched his mom get plowed."

"What's the difference between an optimist and a pessimist? One sees a glass half full, the other doesn't care because the glass is going to fall and break anyways."

"Rick. Rick is a total lover of Pixar movies. He will lend you any title except for one. He is never gonna give you Up."

"What's another name for a Jew? A sneeze."