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Joke of the Day

"My life would have been very different had I done anything with the same intensity as brushing my teeth on the day of a dentist appointment."

"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present."

"What did the buffalo say to his kid when he went off to college? ""Bye, son."""

"I went to the doctors today told him ""I've got a problem, every time I finish masturbating I sing the American national anthem"". The doctor said, ""Don't worry, a lot of wankers sing that""."

"I can't believe the queen knighted Mix-a-Lot."

"Scientists say that girls can get cancer just for being virgins. Luckily theres a vaccine for that."

"1: Acquire scuba gear. 2: Strap duck decoy to head. 3: Dive in local pond. 4: Enjoy unlimited free bread crumbs."

"Based on his ability to hide poop, my cat would be the worst criminal of all time."

"What did the father lightning bolt do to his son when he miabehaved? He grounded him."

"When I drop my son off at school I do one arm pushups at the entrance to let the other dads know that's what's up. But they're all at work."