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Joke of the Day

"Text REDCROSS to a girl and be like"" oops wrong number, I was trying to donate for the 5th time today"" then she'll sex you guaranteed."

"The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"You say jump I say how high. You say run I say how fast. You say lets hang out I say no."

"If I could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive... ...I would choose alive. -B.J. Novak-"

"Something is bugging me... Something is bugging me. I keep thinking about my four year old daughter's vagina and I can't put my finger on it."

"Why doesn't r/jokes like fencers? Because they always riposte."

"Optimists see a glass that's half full Pessimists see a glass that's half empty Engineers see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be"

"My friends David reviewed Auschwitz on Tripadvisor... ..he gave it a star."

"Chuck Norris doesn't count his chicken before they hatch. He cracks them and eats them."

"Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help."