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Joke of the Day

"*Alcohol kills germs. *Vodka is alcohol. *Flu is germs. *Vodka kills the flu. *You're welcome!"

"I crashed my family's car I've always wanted to see how a Mercedes-Benz."

"I started a petition to ban people from collecting autographs. So far I've got 50,000 signatures."

"My furnace broke down on me. So I'm having a housewarming party."

"My friend and I are playing a game.. So my friend and I are currently playing a game. The person who is hated the most by the Reddit community loses. Well, to put it simply.. I just lost the game."

"Movie idea: Channing Tatum and Chris Hemsworth are called on by the US government to take their shirts off and punch people who read books."

"""You have a date? With who?"" [Sees a fishing boat] ""Uh, her name is Net..."" [Sees someone with a booger] ""Flicks! Net Flicks! Wait. Dammit."""

"Chinese kid was born before the due date Parents named him Sudden Lee."

"Why did the condom go flying through the air? ... It got pissedoff."

"Nsfw how do you pick up a Jewish girl? With a dust pan."