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Joke of the Day

"When I die I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not like his terrified passengers."

"If you love someone, let them know often. Because you might not be able to say it again. Also, same thing works for people you f*cking hate"

"Never mind money, jobs, and real estate...I wonder what the youngs will do to us when they realize we've taken all the good usernames?"

"What do you call a cow that has a record player, tight pants, and thick brimmed glasses? A hip-steer."

"Did you hear about the Bob Marley impersonator? He's dreadful."

"90s kids won't get this, either ... Psych!"

"What's the brightest airship ever made? LED Zeppelin"

"My girlfriend has accused me of stalking her. Well, technically she's not my girlfriend yet."

"Two Tomatos A father tomato and son tomato were walking down the street. The son was falling behind so the father turned around and **STOMPED** on his son. ""**KETCHUP!**"""

"What did the alpacas go as for their group costume? The zombie alpacalypse"