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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell it's a porno actor filling up his car at the next pump? Just before he gets to twenty bucks he pulls out the nozzle and shoots it all over the trunk."

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"Caffeine is like my psycho girlfriend. As long as we're together everything is great, but if I ignore it for one day, it tries to kill me."
"After much debate comparing early black communities to modern during all these officer related shootings They have decided water hoses weren't so bad"
"The moral of ""The Three Little Pigs"" is ""make your house with bricks."" Why are we giving four year olds architectural advice?"
"What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop? Ivana Pulyova"
"Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony? The guy that can hold a cup of coffee in each hand and 6 donuts"
"Dark humor is a bit like food. Not everyone gets it."
"I just bough t a new pair of sunglasses... So anytime I make a bad pun, I'm gonna put them on and *puts on sunglasses* Look cool."
"Sorry about your lost dog. If you liked it, then you should've put a leash on it. If you liked it, then you should've put a leash on it."
"Seminar topic at the annual vampire conference ""How to Deal with Stakeholders"""